Oppositional

We saw our pediatrician today to see about medication for John. He wrote the script but was hesitant to call him ADD or ADHD. He does not exhibit the lack of attention or hyperactivity one would expect in an ADD child. His scores for oppositional behavior, however, were off the charts.

So we are going to try the medicine to see if it helps with his impulse control, but the Dr. warned me that John's issues are much more complex than medication can solve. A little bittersweet. It doesn't help that I got a call from the pharmacy to let me know the insurance requires a full report from the Dr. before they will pay for the drug. Hopefully we will have it by next week sometime.

Now I am sitting here wondering what Oppositional Defiant Disorder really means. According to Jared it practically means a prison sentence. Literally. I've always been under the impression that it is an easy label for kids who misbehave and there isn't much you can do about it. The psychologis says he believes it is an indicator of an underlying problem. So what is the source?

So I wonder... what happend to my little boy, and why can't anyone fix it?

The Last Resort...

First of all, I want to thank my friends, siblings, crying parents, etc. for supporting me. My intention isn't to fish for nice compliments (although...) rather it's to keep a record and glean information from others.

Thank you for "venting" Cindy, that is part of why I wanted to do this. Too often I find myself reading the books and searching for answers from others and I forget to appreciate the journey. This blog is going to help me appreciate the accomplishments, set backs, struggles, and victories of raising John. And if it helps to vent and share your own frustrations I totally welcome it!!!

John has been a strong character since he was born. My family and I joke that he was NOT happy about the newborn body he was given. He would scowl and look irritated as he observed the world. This, apparently, was not what he signed up for. I think he was so anxious about gaining a physical body that he didn't pay attention to the part about being a helpless newborn.

Sometimes I feel like I am making it all up, or like I'm overreacting and things aren't really that bad or hard with him. Maybe it's just our parenting styles, maybe I should have defined better boundaries when he was younger, maybe if I was more consistent... But then I receive the bittersweet confirmation that, yes, he is especially difficult and has unusual problems.

Our psychologist affirmed this to me today. John is struggling in all aspects of his life. The hardest part is that John recognizes this. There are some children who are oblivious to their roles in social situations, not so with John. He is aware that he is much more volatile than the rest of his class and it is starting to affect his self-esteem.

At this point in his life, John has been "diagnosed" with Sensory Processing Dysfunction (SPD), anxiety, and possibly ADHD, with evidence of a mood disorder (i.e. depression). If you ask me as his mother, John has SPD and some of the characteristics of ADHD. I think the others are a result of the former.

We have been working with him since he was two. We have tried various avenues of help. We are finally at the point of what several people have called "the last resort", we are on the cusp of treating John with medication.

We have not given up-- my outlook is actually very optimistic. We are planning to continue to pursue occupational therapy and adjustments to our diet while attempting to provide the structure he needs in every aspect of his life.

But for now, this is our next big step.

Clean transitions.

We have been having difficulty making the transition of going to school in the morning. This morning John informed me he would not be going (again). I insisted and while we walked the 1/2 mile he held my hand-- tight. As we crossed the property line to the school he let go of my hand and walked in front of me. Then he stopped and refused to cross the parking lot to the building.

I waited.

He stayed.

Eventually I was able to drag him across the street to the smiling teacher's aid that meets us at the door. I looked down and saw his quivering chin and silent tears and my heart nearly broke. If I could scoop him up and make it better I would.

I told him I would walk to class with him (something they keep telling me not to do). I tried to talk to the teacher and realize now that she was busy and couldn't give me the time I needed.

I had given him a little angel trinket to keep in his pocket to hold whenever he was feeling worried, sad, angry, or if he just needed to remember I loved him. He was afraid his teacher wouldn't let him have it. I tried to explain to her that he had it, but she told me he couldn't have anything because it was too much of a distraction. For a minute I felt like I was back in school-- you don't argue with the teacher. I told John that it had to stay in his pocket or she would have to take it. In hindsight I realize I should have told her that if it became a distraction she should have him put it in his backpack. I didn't like the idea or her taking something away that I had told him no one was allowed to take. Luckily he kept it in his pocket.

I left feeling like they were exhausted and tired of trying to help him. I felt like they were irritated with me walking him to class, asking for exceptions to rules. It has something to do with him being able to make a clean transition from home to school. But when he is as anxious and upset as he was I am going to walk him to class. There is a difference between him throwing a full fledged tantrum and him crying silent tears of anxiety.

John is sensitive. He perceives subtleties that others do not. I think the anxiety about school has something to do with his propensity to get in trouble. The Vice-Principal informed me last week that he has started to acquire a reputation among the parents as a bully and that they are trying to be proactive in avoiding any perpetuation of this stigma. His teacher also informed me that the kids in his class are feeling less tolerant as well.

Why did they tell me this? I was glad they did, but now I wonder if they told me because they feel the same way. When presented with that information how was I supposed to react?